“Mask Heroes”: TaskRabbit’s Solution for Expiring Mask Mandates
TaskRabbit’s gig workers will step in for the government’s job of keeping you safe!
With state mask mandates being lifted, we bring you a new service category: “Mask Heroes,” dedicated Taskers who provide unique styles of mask enforcement for whatever your needs.
Nora W.
$23/hr, 4.0 Stars
How I can help: With 10+ years as a nanny, I am built for this. I come with KN95s on hand and use a time-tested strategy that I call the “PCR”: Painfully Constant Reminders. I’m not a parent — and not responsible for anyone’s childhood resentment!
Dwayne L.
$20/hr, 4.2 Stars
How I can help: ***Height: 6’5” ***Weight: 263 pounds of pure muscle***Flattens curves by flattening COVIDIOTS***Gets job done with few words***If escalation is needed, willing to break social distance rules***
Minh P.
$29/hr, 3.9 Stars
How I can help: With my baby voice and puppy dog eyes, I carry around framed stock images of infants and old people. “Please wear masks,” I say, “or would you prefer these people to die?” I shed a single tear for dramatic effect, but for an extra fee, I’ll throw in a lip quiver.
Oluwale E.
$21/hr, 3.0 Stars
How I can help: I’m a photographer who knows how to make someone feel sexyyy 😙 especially in a surgical or — even sexier — an N95 😷 Loooves to suggest that their dreamyyy eyes can pop if their mask goes over their nose, rather than under it 😉
Jesse M.
$24/hr, 4.2 Stars
How I can help: Me = tackling the root of misinformation, one conspiracy theorist at a time. How do I work my magic? I cancel their Fox News! Fudge their Facebook algorithms! Hack their Parler account! Slash their tires before their next superspreader event!
Lucia M.
$36/hr, 4.8 Stars
How I can help: …I’m a former crime detective who joined the “Great Resignation” for something more meaningful: battling anti-maskers for the greater good….Just tell me your target….They’ll comply after I find their darkest skeletons and threaten what they value most…I only use burner phones….I work from a basement in an undisclosed location…Lucia isn’t my real name…
CHAD F.
$16/hr, No Ratings
How I can help: STRONG LUNGS. WILL SCREAM AT DIPSHIT NAKED FACES.
Sage L.
$55/hr, 5.0 Stars
How I can help: I fart. I fart on command. My farts are the new f-bombs. My farts are fueled by feta cheese and lactose intolerance. I’m also intolerant of anti-maskers. I don’t enforce masks on them; I chase them away with my flatulence. I’ll let a sharp one rip like a drive-by. Or drop silent grenades spanning a 12-foot radius. Strong, rancid, pungent, loud, quiet, deep, fizzling, high-pitched, low-pitched, acidic, stinging, bitter, tart, vibrato, staccato, legato, vinegary…farts.
Mai Thai is a writer, creator, and social scientist. Contrary to popular belief, she’s only had mai tais twice in her life. Follow her on Twitter @DrMaiThai.
